A Bittersweet Victory | thornyasarose's Blog

The day in court has come and gone. It was one of the longest days of my life.We were the last case to go before the judge. All day I had to remind myself that I could not give in to fatigue or illness,that I had to appear strong and poised. Don't let weakness break through and lessen your demeanor. And don't let anger grab a hold of you and become the driving force. You are here for the kids!!! That was my mantra all day. You are here to get them what is rightfully theirs. You are right and you know it. You see, squaring off with someone that has beaten you down for 25+ years can be a bit nerve racking. And sitting there all day long with him one bench over in the court room....looking cool and confident and appearing like a fine,upright person. Oh, I wanted to be somewhere else-briefly-until I reminded myself of my purpose. And then, my lawyer met with me to share his affidavit of expenses and I was astounded. In the last few months he has charged over nine thousand dollars on a Discover Card and taken out a bank loan for a couple thousand and also has a couple personal loans of a thousand dollars!!!! OMG!!! This man NEVER approved of charging if the kids or I wanted to order something from the Internet it was real simple-no,no,no. NEVER. And in the past few months he has not only not paid support, but has acquired twelve thousand + dollars of DEBT. FOR WHAT???? WHERE IS ALL THIS MONEY GOING??? Well, anyway,seeing that was like a shot in the arm for me. Instantaneous strength. So, our turn comes and my lawyer briefly questions me,then his lawyer starts asking about MY expenses. Don't I think one hundred dollars a month on vet bills is excessive. No,we have three cats and a dog-so flea control,heart worm prevention,and other medicine the dog takes adds up quickly. Well,the judge stops him and says something like, "Isn't this case about HIS failure to pay court ordered support that was just ordered May 15th,an amount of which he agreed to;and about him requesting a reduction in the court ordered amount?" His lawyer says "yes,your Honor" and the judge says "well then you are questioning the wrong individual,get your client up here..." So, that was the end of my time is the spotlight (whew!!!). And it took only about (at the most) ten minutes of him talking bull crap up there before the judge AGAIN interrupted (he did not do this in any other case all day) and said "I've heard enough. I rule for the plaintiff (me), he was court ordered to make payments,he did not,he is ordered to pay her the seven hundred dollars, his request to have the support payments lowered is denied,I see no reason why they should be..." And,he denied his request that I pay for his attorney. While he was on the stand I literally felt repulsed by his demeanor, his spewing for lie after lie, his nonchalant attitude about what he has done to these kids by failing to DO what he should be doing. "Oh no, it was not intentional. I did not deliberately not pay..." Well, what would you call simply going week after week without making a deposit? I guess he is so used to beating me down with BS and me shutting up (eventually) just to end an argument,that he thought he could get up there and weave various stories together (that usually contradict each other-like him saying he had to make monthly car payments then turning around and saying he sold the car)and the judge would just buy it all (like his mom does). After it all was done and I was speaking with Dan (my lawyer) I got teary eyed, from relief. I went to tell my sister good-bye and he had the nerve to come over to me and say, "now,don't cry..." As if he was trying to comfort me. All I said was that it never should have gone that far. Then he is like "I know it shouldn't have". And you know what, with him.... Knowing his deceitful nature and his lack of owning any faults...I am not even sure it IS over. I will NOT be surprised if he quits work and goes off the radar. Not surprised at all. The support money IS important,but more than that, these kids need SUPPORT. I asked Dan if there was anyway we could make him visit them. He said "no". How they must hurt!!! I can not even relate. How I grieve for them. How I wish I could DO something to ease their pain and worries. I love them so very much,with every fiber of my being,with every beat of my heart,with every breath that I take,with every decision that I make and with every dream that I dream. ALL that love and it is NOT enough to comfort them. They need their dad,too. I can't be that. I can't fill that void. How can he go day after day for a year and a half without involvement in their lives? It takes like 4 minutes to drive over here, what gives? How deep their sadness is, i see it and feel it daily. Will it ever stop???