And The Whirlwind Continuous | thornyasarose's Blog

So,still no reply from The Troll.Another weekend goes by and The Two I Love Most go unsupported financially or emotionally be their other parent.The Boy asked me a short time ago if I thought eventually "we just won't hear from him at all." Dare I tell him the hoops of fire I have had to jump through in the last year and a half to make The Troll remain in the picture?No one knows,for sure,where It is.It has not answered my earlier text messages about this being the first weekend of the month and the court ordered visitation is for Holly to be picked up at 6:30 on Friday and returned @ 6:30 on Sunday. Alas,The Two remain here,their pain being displayed as anger.And,ofcourse,I am Standing Alone in the Place of Impact.Guess they feel secure enough to "go Cherynobl" on me.Mom is not gonna leave.But,oh my goodness,those weak moments are so fretfully vivid.The times I want to just say,"BLank,Blank,blank" because I am withering away under the sadnessandgriefandstressandwantsanddemandsandneedsandproblemsandbillsandpastduenoticesanddoctor'sappointmentsandlaundryandshopppinf(withoutmoney)andanimal'svaccinesandschoolversushomeschoolissuesandsiblingrivalryrunrampidandlackofsupportandmebeingsickallthetimeandtryingtodowhatishardenoughforawellpersonandhavetohidetheweaknessandpainsomustgoforwardcan'gobackmustbethebestanddothenextrightthingpracticewwhatipreach....good thing,tho.Noticed Nora did read one of my comments.Have tried to see if she read the other one,about her daughter,but kinda get lost looking for my way around.All in good time.Surely an idiot like myself,with a 146 IQ, can eventually learn directions around the community.Tammy says The Troll's one claim to accomplishing something in life will be "I turned someone into a babbling idiot"...referring to me.She may be correct.Good grief,in 5 years I have lost my health,my profession,my lucrative career,my identity,my church (but found new one recently),my daily contact with the outside world,my ability to DO things (and being a project person this was a tough one),my income,my Beloved Love Of My Life(and I still blame myself and Rock for not identifying the Feline AIDs problem),and then It left(which was liberating because we were sick of his abusiveness)and now refuses to do what the courts said It is to do to help us survive. Alas,another day gone by,but I DO have The Two I Love Most,and my Semper Fi,and my little grandkittens,and The Feathered Ones,and the QueenLisa(ruling since Muffy's demise),so God has not let me out of His Loving Grasp.